Everything I Wanted
Posted by kelly gerber on
My search for adventure & love continued for nearly most of this past year. Silent but still seeking, I gave myself permission to be tortured by online dating. Where else can you thumb thru countless potential significant others, despite the awkwardness and possibly being void of the ability to go deep and actually share feelings. Guess what- I was getting really good at this. A career serial dater? Nah... Some men could not even commit to a phone call. Efficiently I forged ahead. Somethings are just timing and luck. After all if there was that one guy that had cast some light- maybe there were more! It was 12/31/18 a lunch date, clearly neither of us had exciting New Years Eve plans. There was something about him that gave me hope. He wore these cool horn rimmed glasses, a white linen shirt & pink shorts, spoke affectionately of his kids and never mentioned x wives. He paid for my valet car parking, you can tell a lot about a man if he takes care of your parking ticket there's a "gentleman." If he doesn't then just be done right then & there. There was a twinkle of magic in the air, or maybe it was afternoon sweet cocktails?
I forged ahead thru most of this 2019, added some accomplishments I set my mind to do, dedicated a lot of time to work, regular workouts & yoga, not enough resting, I worked longer later hours slept less and continued to dream that I will get everything I wanted. My mind seemed to be thinking all the time.
My bout with finger malformations was increasing. I was experiencing a little pain from some broken little fingers & toes of my own and somehow it's all I kept noticing when out on a date. There was the guy with both pinky's totally stretched out like a baseball coach giving a signal - he said he had arthritis I hope mine doesn't get like that, it will not be good for my jewelry business! (A good manicure is enough of a challenge).
Then there was the guy with the index finger that looked sliced in half. It was so hard to not stare & ask what happened, & he kept pointing to things, I mean really...
Then there was this guy with an amazing deep sexy voice on the phone, so fun & upbeat until he told me he wanted to meet but he wanted to let me know up front that even though he's an amazing athlete, he's "missing a few digits!" This just has to stop but it doesn't. I recall when I first was widowed and started to date I was obsessed with hairlines. I never looked before but I could not stop staring- ok so I am a little vain.
When I was a young girl I looked at a guys wrist, I thought if he had a good watch he was solid. I do still believe in jewelry and first impressions. Jewelry is the icing on the cake, make it beautiful, your style and make it genuinely you. Your first impression image should be a good one, whatever that means to you.
My song while writing this
everything i wanted by Billie Ellish